I remember / je me souviens
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For those limbic bursts of nostalgia, invented by Proust, miniaturized by Nicholson Baker, and freeze-dried by Joe Brainard in his I remember and by Georges Perec in his Je me souviens.

But there are no fractions, the world is an integer
Like us, and like us it can neither stand wholly apart nor disappear.
When one is young it seems like a very strange and safe place,
But now that I have changed it feels merely odd, cold
And full of interest.
          --John Ashbery, "A Wave"

Sometimes I sense that to put real confidence in my memory I have to get to the end of all rememberings. That seems to say that I forego remembering. And now that strikes me as an accurate description of what it is to have confidence in one's memory.
          --Stanley Cavell, The Claim of Reason


Thursday, May 22, 2003
I remember that Lassie was male -- in fact a series of males down the years of the movies and TV shows. They had nicer coats. I had originally thought that Lassie was male: me a boy, Lassie a hero. And a dog, not a cat. And then my parents, and I think Tommy Hoge, told me she was female, and that Lassie meant "the girl." I hated the idea that if she were a boy her name would be "Laddie." So I managed to make the gender transition. But her bark still sounded too low to be a female's. When I found out that the Lassies were in fact male it wasn't a reversion to what I originally thought -- it was just a further disappointment (though some of that might have been the fact that there was more than one). I think the question of Lassie's sex had some relation to the consistent sense I had on black and white TVs (and shows) that they were translating colors. It was as though Lassie's coat -- that collie orange yellow -- and sex were being translated and altered through the TV show. The discovery that she was in fact male was maybe a little bit like finding out that Superman's cape was the rich black it looked like on TV and not the rich red that the black seemed to signify. I never had this sense -- or this trouble -- with black and white movies: I think they belonged to a black and white world. But TV shows were just starting to be broadcast ("in living color"), thought almost everyone had a black and white set. (Either the Cramers or the Hoges were the first people we knew with a color one.) So we felt that the sets were translating something that was there in the proper version of the show, whereas there was no canonical color version of a movie. I think it must have been the constant question of shows in color that made me think -- very consciously -- about how well the black and white made you feel that you knew what colors you were seeing. And Lassie may have been the final challenge to all that.


posted by william 12:22 AM
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